“Because forever is way too long to throw away
When you have every single day of your life that things could change
Until forever, so put your demons in the past
Hold your head up high, don’t look back
Today is the start of your forever”
– Forever III (Young Lions)
These words have meant quite a lot to me over the past few weeks and more so in the past few days.
I’m not going to lie. I’m struggling. Not with anything I have decided to do as part of the #24weeks project but more with my personal issues. I’m not sure why. I’ve been trying really hard to keep my mind in a positive place and there are times when I just can’t. Like footsteps in the sand my thoughts follow me around; and like tide I need to wash them away again. It’s frustrating. Today I had a bad day And I ended up walking for like 3 hours just to try and make sense of what was going through my mind. I spent a long time on the beach just staring out at the waves. Taking it all in.
I find the sea calming. When you’re standing there with the water washing around your feet I feel like I am experiencing the final release of energy that the wave has. It reminds me that its journey has come to an end just before it is pulled back out to make another. I guess that is like life really.
I tend to look across the water and imagine what is on the other side. What bit of the world is facing me and whether there is someone standing with their toes in the water wondering the same as me.
In all realism the walk didn’t help. I was no closer to organizing my thoughts than I was before. It did at least ease my frustrations so I was distinctly calmer than when I left. That is something at least.
This is something I know I am going to need to keep an eye on. I can’t let this negativity take over again. It’s a real set back considering all my progress of the last few weeks. I’ve very much felt on edge for the last few days. Stressed too. This is despite the fact I’ve cut my alcohol consumption right down and been trying to alleviate any negativity with positive thoughts. It’s proving to be easier said than done. The one thing I have noticed though is that it is in periods of down time that my thoughts are most active and most negative. In light of this, I guessed I have inadvertently stumbled upon my first change for week 5 ahead: to stay as active both physically and mentally as possible.
if I can stay busy I can keep on top of the thoughts and hopefully keep them locked away. I’m determined to make the start of my day tomorrow a better one than today. I then want to replicate that everyday. In addition, I wanted to begin aiding my weight loss progress with added exercise. So going forward I will complete an hour per week of cross trainer exercise in as many or as few sessions as I’d like. These sessions though I want to be intense. I want to feel the burn.
It’s going to be an interesting week for sure. Hard no doubt but like I said I’m determined to see off the demons and to get myself in a better place. One thing I have considered is that perhaps I have not been giving myself enough reward for what I have achieved. Almost as if I am not properly acknowledging my progress. So my third new thing is to ensure that I treat myself too.
Since I have completed my first four weeks it would be nice to do this once a month. This month I am choosing to bypass all rules in light of special occasions. So yes I will be eating items off my ditch list, but it’ll be going straight back on it the day after. I feel this is a nice compromise. I’m hoping that it all works out for the better.
Keep tuned for more.
Cover Photo: Sunrise over the Mediterranean. May 27th 2017. La Manga, Spain.